9:55 p.m. - 2022-02-09
The dreaded train
I don't really know where to begin. I found out yesterday that a girl I believe to ride my bus got hit by a train while she was walking on the tracks with her friends. She was 13 like my daughter. Her and her friends were all walking along and she had on earpods and was arguing with her mother on the phone..didn't hear her friends yell at her to get off, nor the Amtrak honking before it hit her. She was found later underneath the train.
I can't stop thinking about it and how hurt her poor mother and family is. How could you live the rest of your life knowing your last words to your child were an argument and then hear them get hit by a train and die??? I don't think I'd want to live after that.
My coworker and I went to her memorial by the tracks today after work. More kids walked a long the track to lay down candles and leave stuffed animals. Tomorrow I plan on taking some incense. My daughter and her friends want to go and visit it..I told her to leave a toy or something.
All this has really moved me and brought up a lot of other memories.
I sent an email out to my clearing group asking them if they had time before Sunday to help me with this, but all of them are too busy..so what's the use??
It's just brought up a lot of memories of other deaths of friends. Then I started to remember even as a kid I'd be really OCD over deaths of other little girls I read about. I don't know why, it's like it made me so sad and I wished so hard I could have known them, or helped them. I remembered today that I had this scrap book I made filled with stickers and things that interested me. I came across an article in the paper..I must have been like 8 and yes I read the newspaper back then! There was some story about a girl my age who loved horses and animals and I think she died of cancer or something. I was so drawn to her and that story, and I felt so much sympathy for her. I just don't understand why..why was I like that??
I've got a lot to think about..
