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10:06 p.m. - 2021-06-06
Time loops
Well that was a long writing break.. I don't know how I just stop writing for an extended period, then from out of nowhere start right up again.

My son graduated from high school the other day. He was lucky his class actually got a graduation instead of a drive by thing. I was actually a bit sad. I don't feel really that close to him anymore. He turned out to be such a good kid and has a wonderful girlfriend. I try to give him the best advice I can but really don't spend too much time with him. He works a lot, then runs around with his girlfriend or their group of friends. For his graduation present I gave him three books; The Bagathagita, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, and another book by my favorite Alan Watts. He was really happy about I want to reread them all!
He left Friday with his gf, her sister and another friend on a roadtrip up to Oregon to check out Oregon State college. I'm so excited for them to go on this road trip. They found an awesome cabin to stay in up there..
We had the graduation party at his gf's family home and it ended up being a fun night. My aunt grilled me with her usual "what are you doing with your life, why don't you own your own home, what about the kids" usual bullshit. She always has a way of making me feel like a piece of shit. She'll never change.

I'm starting a new shift at work which I have some mixed feelings about. We did the summer bid and from now on I'm done telling people what I want. Fucking dickhead Don did what he said he was going to do and bid on the Runabout shift I had, I feel he did this out of spite and he likes to throw his weight around work. Nobody likes him and we tried so hard to get him kicked out of being one of our Union reps! Anyway, I got my old route A again, which is just endless loops around Paso, but Bev got Route B so that will be fun working with her. We both talked about getting walkie talkies to chit chat with one another since we can't really do that on the company frequency. I told her I might try and pick up some over time either doing the pm route A shift, or a Saturday Runabout. She told me she's asked to also do the Route A pm shift or a 9 to make some extra money this summer. So I'm worried about it becoming awkward, like if we both want to do the same double and one of us is asked and not the other.

I was kinda sad because this new online chat meditation group just started and I was just barely beginning to feel comfortable talking with this group, now I'll have to miss it because of this new schedule. I'm still trying to figure out where I even fit with this group. They seem really clickish, and I'm new in this group. I'm really not a click person, at least I think I'm not but who knows, maybe I am at least at work. I've been really tight with other online groups but it's taken me months to get to that state with them in the past. I feel like I get too sensitive in groups and it's easy for me to take things personally.

I've been having some really intense dreams lately. I take this sleep supplement called Galantamine only on days where I can really sleep in. The directions say it's best to take one tablet toward the end of your sleep for me that would be early morning where periods of REM are longer I guess. With me it intensifies my dreams and makes them more easy to remember. It's more easy for me to wake up in a dream when I take the supplement, and I even had one OBE.
Anyway, so this morning I had a couple really trippy dreams, things that I don't think I could just come up with on my own!
The first one was of me in a hotel room. There was a car in the parking lot up to no good, so I went to look out the window down below to the parking lot. I focused on the car and then tried to read the license plate, but there was this tiny black spot that kept moving around in my view blocking a portion of the numbers. Then as I tried to see more of the car there was this sort of blur in spots, like when things are blurred intentionally on film to protect whatever. Somehow I concluded in the dream that there was something in the glass that interacted with certain elements and could be programed to blur or conceal whatever it was the programer wished to hide. I was so made about it, I could not believe something like that existed and it scared me so!
The second dream I wish I could remember more clearly. I had found a photograph of a group of apparently Russian exchange students. They were posing in the picture and there was this bright light, an orb or flash of some sort in front of them. I had to find out what the flash was, so somehow this group of students was able to get back together for another photo to try and recreate whatever happened. The photo was taken, only to be found again in the future, then the group would reassemble and another photo taken trying to create the flash. This voice kept telling me to look at the "time stamp" on the photo. This loop would keep repeating itself over and over again like a broken record. It also creeped me out! I just don't think my brain could come up with this story on it's own and I question where I journey to during my sleep!

Better hit the sack a long day tomorrow with the new schedule and no naps..



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