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10:11 p.m. - 2021-01-03
Anxious days
Had a hard day yesterday again with the anxiety. The park I always run trails on was packed, with hardly a place to park. There were orange peels, tissue and cigarette butts on the trail as well! There were so many people on my trail which is usually empty because part of it is difficult, and the other part is damp along a creek in the wood. Most people prefer the beach trails with views of the ocean. I really wanted to do some journeying and work on myself but there were too many people around me with face diapers jumping out of my way like I had some deadly contagious disease. At one point toward the end of the trail in the deepest of the wood I heard somebody behind me. I peeked behind me and there was this 6 foot tall dude with a bandana covering his face right on my heels. I picked up my pace but no matter how much faster I moved he kept up behind me like I was in some sort of horror movie! I found a place to turn off and he moved past me yelling "thanks". You don't fucking sneak up behind a woman in the woods hiding your face behind a bandana! What the fuck is wrong with people????
Mike's wife Karen texted me yesterday asking if I felt the earthquake, but I didn't. She wanted to exchange some online courses with me and we chatted a bit. I like her a lot, wish we lived closer. Mike was my friend from back in the early 90's when he lived with his first wife in the apartment below mine. I think Karen is his third. He told me he's worried that she will go back to wanting to be with women again and leave him. So I don't want to be too friendly with her just so he doesn't worry or accuse us of anything like use to happen with my guy friends back in my early 20's. But I always text him first if I'm going to be in the area to visit and he always tells me to just text his wife to make I don't know. Either way, I do like her as a friend and wish we all lived closer.
Talked to KT today..she's having a hard time getting off of her antidepressant meds. I've been on those sort of things a few times and not for very long. But I do remember what a bitch it is to wean your body off of them. That's why I really don't want to take those things unless I absolutely have to, and then only short term.
J messaged me out of the blue tonight asking about new years! I was so happy to hear from her, I hope we can be more in contact with each other now. I really want to meet her again this year after what 30 or so years???? I don't know why I'm so crushed on her, well not over the top but I still feel something special between us..whatever it is.
Tomorrow I go to the bank to take care of that check fraud thing. Not something I'm looking forward to. Francine said we will try and meet tomorrow for lunch of coffee if our schedule allows. I hope I get to see her as I need to get her this gift!
I hope I can sleep tonight...



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