10:23 p.m. - 2020-12-03
Listening
Now I can't remember the last time I wrote..I suppose I could easily peek, but I'm too lazy tonight.
Yesterday Francine was doing route A, so ran into her in the yard. She asked if I got the presents she left in my box over the weekend, then mentioned she left a secret message there and wondered if I'd received it. I told her yes I got the two chocolates, "bacchi" means kiss and she pointed out "yes two". So I hugged her and gave her two kisses.
Then I ran into her again and we talked a bit about the things we feel the world is going through. I told her that I'm not wanting to drive the big busses now because people have been so unpredictable, and mean. We both agreed on some sort of shift in the universe and how all our shadows are being brought up to the surface. She said thats why there are so many people going off the handle now, because they can't handle their own shit coming to the surface. That made sense to me, and reminded me of the conversation I was having with J a week ago.
Anyway, later after we were done with our shifts, I met her at her bus and she was going on and on about her family issues and then about issues at work. I told her I had warned her about certain dispatchers and to not take anything personally, to just agree with them and blow it off. But she insisted she's there to change things, injustices and bring light into the office down south. I told her not to make waves, just do your job the best way you see fit and they'll leave you alone. But she just kept going on and on as usual.
So this morning I check my email and there is some message about questioning why we complain so much. I forwarded to her and told her I loved her, but wish she's listen to me and really hear me. She wrote back questioning what I mean and I told her I feel that she never lets me get a word in and just keeps talking, and that it hurts when she does this. So..who knows what she'll say. Wonder if she'll get defensive or if she'll stop and think about it. Maybe nobody has called her out on it.
I'm just tired of being everyone's dumping ground. I listen and listen to everyone's problems all day and feel like nobody really listens to me. So I keep my issues mainly to myself. I wonder if I'll ever find someone who will take the time to listen to me..deeply listen to me. Well aside from my cats who adore me.
Time is moving slow tonight and I'm glad for that. I hope that means I'll get a long sleep.
