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10:29 p.m. - 2020-11-24
make up my mind
I've been escaping lately into Lifetime movies after work. Just forgetting my problems awhile and getting lost in these silly dramas.
J posted something of interest to me and we started talking back and forth again. This time she really opened up to me about this situation she's in with someone. She's very consumed by it and we chatted for hours about it, and then I told her a bunch of my stories I felt related to hers. Then I remembered that reading I had with the guy who told me her energy was being drained by someone she hadn't mentioned to me. I only asked him about her because I was confused why she so quickly stopped talking to me, I thought maybe I said something wrong. But now it makes sense. I honestly wish her well, but I feel red flags everywhere and am concerned for her. But I can't make her issues mine. I just think the only time I go on and on about my relationship with another person..friend, lover, relative, is because I'm looking for clarity in something that doesn't feel quite right and I need to hear myself explain. I think institutions like that people just need to be heard, and felt. For me to show I'm hearing them is to relate it to other experiences I have in my life. Fuck now I'm the one overthinking this!!
So the kayak company texted saying that the color I choose was not available. It's already been 3 months since I ordered it and I'm on the fence about asking for my money back or just picking a color I didn't want. Everything is so fucked up right now!!!
I'm still having horrible sleep issues. My coworker suggested asking for an Ambien prescription. I use to take that years ago, it might be a good idea to go back to that. I'm tired of the stress of worrying about falling asleep. Oh I guess that's my queue to take a swig of Zzquil...
In other news..the illegal Mexican woman my co-workers and I just bought a new walker that she needed to help her with her dialysis appointments just tested positive to Covid. So they pulled Humberto off the line to quarantine until he gets his test results back. He was the last person to transport her, but all of us have, and we feel ripped off for not being told to go home on extended sick leave! If Humberto comes up positive Paso drivers are fucked! Well, at least most of us will be on vacation a bit which isn't so bad. But we are worried about Senorina..she just lost like 3 other relatives to Covid and her husband got deported a month back for DUI. I mean she's already lost everything, and has to go to dialysis which she hates every few days..I can't imagine the hell she's going through. But Humberto said the look on her face when she opened the new walker was priceless. So sad..
I told J the story of my ex Jodi and some of the stuff we went through. That was really heavy for me to bring up. Especially this time of year when all the leaves turn yellow and orange and blow in the wind. That's when we fell in love, and so sometimes this time of the year I think of her.
Not sure if I'll fly out to the Valley for Thanksgiving tomorrow night afterwork, or just wait until the next morning. Now I worry about the cats and all the new fish I bought. I just can't make up my mind about anything lately...



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