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10:04 p.m. - 2020-09-27
I was just looking at some more travel packages on The Clymb...getting antsy again to get out there and do it better then before. I was also listening to some podcast on solo traveling today while I was canning the ten pounds or so of cranberries my friends sent me from Alaska. I really don't think I have the guts to just quit my job and by a one way ticket to a third world country though.. I like making some plans, but leaving a lot open to whatever situations I encounter. I like a little structure but not too much. I think my favorite trips happened while just sort of winging it, and learning about things while making plans along the way.
Did not wake up in the best of moods this morning. I had this dream I was being driven around the block of my old neighborhood where I grew up. I saw J walking, actually skipping along the sidewalk, so I asked the driver (I'm not sure who it was) to go around the block and catch up with her. When we went around the block she wasn't there, and we were like driving around looking for her.
Then later that morning I logged onto FB for some reason, and she randomly posted about an online concert by Steve Roach..and I remembered that I was going to listen to it last night but totally forgot again! Weird, I didn't know anyone I knew liked, much less heard of him.
I just feel totally out of sync with everything lately. That good mood I stumbled upon last week vanished as usual, and left me grasping for whatever hope I could find.
I went to look at a few online dating sites, but could not get one to cooperate with me. Then I started getting triggered by all the pictures of these women so I shut it all down. I'm just not ready for that yet. It's been what 3 years maybe and I still don't feel ready for online dating. I'm just scared to. Why can't I just meet someone in person like at work, or at a Meetup or through a friend???
I sent Andy that one cat book I finished reading along with a long letter. I'm planning to write more letters to friends because I miss writing. Nobody ever rights back though, except for Corriedawn, but she's an angel now so no more letters.
Sometimes I wonder how many days left I have. I just can't see much in the future to get excited about..things really scare me. Maybe that's why I want to do more camping and being out away from towns. The sky still looks the same, except when there are forest fires. The stars don't move around much, just the satellites. And nature runs on it's own time, not influenced by us dirty humans.



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