7:22 a.m. - 2017-02-10
virtual mess
I just don't know how long I can take the day after day of waking up, working, pick up kids from school, come home, pay bills, go to sleep and repeat.
For awhile I was inspired at work seeing all the fall colors I wanted to paint, then they went away, the workload picked up and I lost all inspiration.
So I started this little game with myself at work looking for funny things to photograph and caption. I have a series of pictures called "the grass is always greener" which are pictures of all the farm animals sticking their heads through the fence. Then I pulled up next to a fork on the ground and shot that "a fork in the road".
But I'm worn out. My job is so energy depleting. The same crap everyday. "Are you reading names, are you reading numbers?" my boss ask everyday. "Your not going fast enough, you need to focus on names.." every fucking day! Even when someone is missing a package, I get blamed right away "are you sure you didn't leave it in your car, you need to check your car after work everyday" and then the package always turns up as it's the customers fault.
The house is a mess. The kids don't help me clean and it's my fault for not staying on top of them to clean, or making sure their homework is done. Everything is my fault!
Corridawn just died, it may have been suicide not sure, but I had asked her if I could fly up for a visit last month then got too fucking busy and wiped out with work that I never made it. I never got to tell her goodbye.
I wish someone would call a bomb threat into the mail office so I can have a fucking day off!
I met someone I really liked online. We had long conversations into the nights and I felt really happy for awhile. We made plans to meet and she canceled last minute because it put her into an emotional spiral. What is it with people who just want to have endless long distance communications but never want to meet in person? I did that for 9 months with a girl from AU, it was understandable the distance, but I'm looking local now or at least in my own state! I don't want a virtual girlfriend anymore!
Shit, time to get kid number two up and ready for school, then off to another day of this..
