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8:57 p.m. - 2014-03-03
this week, must get through
So tomorrow is the big phone interview day. I should be all pumped up and excited, studying and everything but instead I'm depressed, irritated and don't want to think about anything related to flying at all!
I feel so guilty, I should be all into this right now and instead I'm totally burnt out.
It's like going through finals back in college and just hating everything I loved about my major.
KT and I been talking a lot helping each other out with her recent break-up and my insecurities about J and this job situation. She told me to freeze J out for awhile which is a good idea. She's been off FB but guess she went on to my page over the weekend and made a lot of nice comments on my post, maybe just to let me know she's still there or something.
Her "boyfriend" (who is 27 years older then her) and my husband have been fucking with each other at work. Sal jokingly gave him the finger and he won't let it go. Fuck, I've worked with so many mechanics who non-stop taunt each other with mama jokes, etc. and it's just something guys do for whatever reason, but this guy is a prick and won't let go. Not sure if this will cause an even greater riff between J and I, I want to stay out of it. Should be interesting watching it play out though.
Sometimes I wish I could see the big picture. I hate when people tell me "there are reasons for everything". Seems you only give things reasons after the fact, when everything is said and done.
I'm always dieing to know why some people, new friends and acquaintances have entered my life. Is it by chance, did we draw each other together for some sort of collaboration? Past life stuff or just totally random. I guess it's more comforting and fun to believe in the formers.
I'm almost to the end of my pain pills and the broken shoulder pain is still intense. I hope the pain killers didn't cause my pain to become worst, but there might be some truth in that. So now I'm trying to deal with the pain alone, plus hoping I don't go through any withdraw from the pills and if I get this job I'll have to wizz in a cup soon! I just want to run and hide!!



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