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10:42 p.m. - 2022-09-20
Today I brought my daughter to a new shrink appointment. The woman was older and had a lazy eye, so I wasn't sure how my 13 year old would open up to her. But it was a good session, and in a few days she'll visit another one and then decide who she feels more comfortable working with.
When I got home I saw a message from Sarah who I haven't spoken with in a long time. We use to chat a lot, esp. after the conference last summer when we met in person. But the group chats started to die down, and then she got her own Telegram channels, and I started the new job and we just spoke less and less. She'd ask me if I was mad at her and I was always having to reassure her I wasn't. But then I'd try and have conversations chatting with her and she'd usually just reply with a few words, a thumbs up or a heart, not really wanting to chat. So I thought "whatever", then I get an urgent message from her this morning asking if I could please send her $400 because her power at her Airbnb is out and she has guest and her father doesn't know how to use Paypal! I thought to myself "what nerve", I'm still pretty upset she asked me that as we aren't even really close. I told her no I don't have that kind of $ laying around. It was just so awkward. I wonder why she asked me and if she tried anyone else.
Then I went for a hike, doing 4 miles and 700' gain. But in a way it sucked because when I got there in the parking lot of the trail head was a large group of kids with some women. I thought to myself "oh no, I better hurry before they trample over me". So I hit the trail hard but I can't run uphill for long like I use to be able to. I could hear them getting closer behind me and I kept trying to hurry because i just wanted to be alone on the trail and smell the damp dirt and leaves after it had just rained..but no, one by one they caught up and ran past me blabbing the entire time. When I got to the top, half of them where there and then the other half arrived. The women said they were home school groups. So I left before them and ran down hill because it's easier for me to do..but they all caught up..the teen boys at least and stomped their way past me. It was a bit annoying.
One more day off then back to work. It sucks though that I can't sleep in because I have to take Jo to school in the morning.
I asked Cassandra if she would be able to do a morning hike, or late evening swim but she said she'd let me know if she could fit it in. That means no. I wish people would just tell me the truth instead of trying to be polite about it.
Anyway, my jaw has been hurting horribly on and off for several months now. I'm wondering if I'm grinding my teeth at night, or if it's from some other reason. I'm really not sure what to do about it though.
I better try and sleep. Sleeping is such a struggle now lately waking up over and over again from hot flashes. I need to start thinking about a vacation and where I'd like to go...



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