4:51 p.m. - 2018-06-12
So I'm just waiting for this gal to come over to give me a "sound bath". Rocco and I attended one of her crystal bowl soundbaths at the yoga studio and it was great. So decided to book a private session since I've been feeling so blocked lately. She reads and then balances your chakras and then does some reiki, which I've never had done before.
I'm just so desperate to get out of this funk that I'll try anything!
My stomach has been in knots because of the work situation, the divorce and getting over Trina. My mind has been playing in loops, like it can't take on anything new.
I had a good run the other day. After writing Trina a letter in my mind, I focused on my abandonment issues and remember the feeling of having to go to bed and know I'm going to wake up and have to go to daycare, school or anywhere I'd rather not be. It reminds me now of going to bed on a work night, knowing when the alarm goes off that my ass has to go back to that shit hole post office!
I'm looking forward to taking Friday and Saturday off at the end of this week, even if I am just going over to my folks. I just need some time away from here and work. It's been killing me.
For the past week I had been debating in my mind wether or not to write her an apology letter for calling her all those horrible names after she told me she slept with that woman, but wants an open relationship with me. I feel like I have to make peace, but I don't know why. But at the same time fuck her!
I just want something good to happen, like a long stretch of good to happen! Why does life have to be such a fucking battle all the time? What is the point of it???
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