10:08 p.m. - 2021-08-01
shouting behind a mask
I'm so nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow I found out what route I got in the bid at work. I prayed and prayed for the best possible outcome for me with all my extra curricular activities, and my fatigue I've had driving the bus instead of para transit. So who knows what the universe will throw at me this time..or what I guess I've drawn for myself.
What I am having issues with is this stupid mask bullshit. I've absolutely had enough! It's making me sick wearing it 8 to 12 hours a day. I don't even have it covering my entire face half the time and I still end up coughing and gagging during the week. I'm totally fine on my weekends when I don't have to wear it. I'm so sick of this power trip the government has. I'm sick of people being pussies and not standing up to this bullshit!
I'm beginning the process of rethinking what I want to do now. I've learned a lot from this job, a lot about people and how to work with them. But I do not feel like I'm serving the greater good of humanity like I feel I should be doing at this time in my life. I need to come up with a new plan.
I spoke on the phone with Tyler from the Journey to Truth podcast. I told him the rest of my story that I had wanted to, it was a nice talk. I told him there are a lot of things I don't want the world to know about me out of fear of loosing my medical certificates for both my jobs and he got that.
I was praying earliar today about my work situation. I asked my over soul to allow greater aspects of myself to enter this life...right as I said that this huge wind shot through the window, curtains flying in all directions..it was a trip!
I have some melancholy tonight after watching Spaceforce News. I want to be a part of this community that I spent time with recently in Sedona, but I wonder how long it will last. I know I should just enjoy it while it's in my presence. I've been in online communities before where we chat around the clock and become close friends..then it all dissolves and people move on. But those were good experiences I had, and the support and feelings of belonging were such good feelings for me. I'm just taking my time with this group..now it takes me a super long time to open up and trust people, even though I want that more then anything.
That CBD stuff I took is kicking in and I think maybe I can get to sleep early enough to actually make it though a day with some energy. I hate feeling tired all the time from my schedule.
Oh and the state is two paychecks behind with us, I'm about to turn in another invoice and they say stuff will be processed sometime in August!!! Fuck the state!!!
