9:10 p.m. - 2021-07-24
Normal
Spent most of the day surrounded by people yet feeling alone. Always most alone when I'm in a large group of people I don't know.
Alara said hi to me again and I could only make small talk..I just totally go blank and I have so much I want to say to her and ask her about.
I realized tonight that in my mind I always fantasize about taking people flying, and I do that because it's one place I feel confident. When I'm driving a bus, or flying a plane with people I don't know I can talk, I show no fear and I feel I can be myself. I don't understand that I just can't muster up that same amount of confidence in social situations. I don't know, maybe something happened to me I need to heal. Maybe one day I'll have finally done enough work on myself to actually feel like a "normal" human.
