9:29 p.m. - 2021-07-23
Sedona
Flew into Sedona yesterday morning..left about 5:30am. Jon texted me saying her heard me with OAK ctr, then we joked around the entire trip. Wish he had said hello over the radio.
The flight was uneventful, just as the message I received from my future self told my worried past self. I had a ton of time to kill after I landed so I spent most of the day in Jerome spending way too much money on jewelry and crafts for myself. I got some pretty nice things.
Then got to my rental unit and it reminded me of the movie Mulholland drive..the parts with the apartment manager. The one here reminds me (not in appearance) of the character from that movie. There was an electrical problem and my fridge was out but the owner came down early this morning to fix it. I ended up watching that movie last night because I was in the mood for it.
Today I didn't do a whole lot, tried to meditate most of the morning because I was so nervous about the conference tonight. It is so hard for me to go to social events, and most especially alone. I really want to meet people and make new friends but I just feel so awkward. I set myself up, try to push myself to get use to doing it, but I still am nervous. My voice changes, and I know I must be setting off uncomfortable vibes for people. I just don't know how to start a conversation..I just sit and smile hoping someone else will come up to me and start talking. I really do want to connect with people but I just don't know how.
The conference started off with an awesome opening ceremony, a soundbath with crystal bowels, those Australian reed pipes, gongs and other sounds..plus they cleaned us with sage. It was very yang on the spectrum, powerful and I drifted some place else.
Alara was the first to speak. She looks so dainty in person..she reminded me of when I met Bjork. I enjoyed all my favorite podcasters speeches but had a hard time keeping awake toward the end. Voices always lull me to sleep.
Listening to everybody speak makes me question myself why I haven't done anything like this. They all say they woke up to these things within the last 5 years...a lot of what they are saying is old news to me, not all, but I really haven't spoken about these things in public. I've only shared my experiences with close friends and people I trust, and yet some things I keep secret, I won't even write about them.
After everyone spoke we cleaned up and they were going to play music. People were just standing around and I felt awkward because I wasn't talking to anyone, plus I was super tired..so I decided to just leave.
On my way down the stairs I ran into Alara walking up while I was walking down. I said hello to her and told her I was in her meditation chat but had to quit because my work schedule changed. We chatted briefly and she asked it I was going to stay for the entire weekend. Told her I was and she said she'll talk more to me over the next few days then gave me a good hug, a sincere hug, not the polite simple kind. She's a very honest, caring person, a very sincere one, and she was so warm, but she is definitely a warrioress. That made my evening.
I don't feel like I'm a warrior if I was put in an archetype line up. I was always cast as an elf when I played DnD..I think they are pretty balanced as being a good fighter and mystic. Then again I feel more like a fox or coyote trickster type, playful yet teaches through their tricks.
Oh during the soundbath everyones phones started alerting warning of a flash flood in our area! There was a huge downpour of monsoon rain and the tiny creek below the conference center turned into a roaring rapid!
By the time I got back to my rental, the wood floor in the bedroom was wet. I told the owner I thought it must have come up from below. Nan the manager came to help me..I just think it's funny. Stuff like this never bothers me. Like that time I was on a cruise with that one chick, and they had to put huge fans in the room because the carpet kept getting wet from the shower. They kept leaving gifts for us to apologize..we'd leave the room for dinner and come back to chocolate dipped strawberries and things like that. She threw a huge fucking fit, walked out on me during dinner one night because she made herself so mad about it. I just didn't care, didn't bother me at all.
I think it adds more variety to an adventure, but I'm weird.
