9:46 p.m. - 2022-08-06
room to room
I had two days off in a row...yay me! They had me do this class at work, class work to study toward the SPABS or school bus drive test. I have no interest in driving a school bus so I'm going for the former. With that only in the state of CA you can drive school kids on school trips. So I figure its worth going for just to increase opportunities for me to do different work.
ARB is still lollygagging with our contracts, so whatever.
Honestly I'd rather not work at all. I wish I had enough cash flow resources that let me be able to just do whatever I want with my time instead of working for others or the state. Im getting really burnt out on working jobs on other peoples schedules.
Last night I went to bed with a bad headache. I kept waking up in pain and with hot flashes, but I was too tired to get up and take anything for it. I thought maybe if I slept a little longer it just go away but it never did. Then Cassandra texted me asking if I was going to go to that swim party with people from my old job. But my head hurt too bad, and I started feeling depressed so I said no.
Instead I went to the hardware store/nursery and bought a bunch of houseplants. I spent a lot of time yesterday and today fixing this house up and cleaning that I forgot to work on a few other important projects I wanted to!
Cassandra stopped by after the party to visit me a bit. All my old work friends were there at the pool party and I almost regret not going to say hi and catch up. Thats the hard thing about this new job is that I totally work alone..in fact I've only met a few of my coworkers, the others I just wave to as we pass each other in opposite highway directions!
I'm not sure how long I want to stay in transportation anyway. I'm so sick of having to get drug tested and worry about fucking up on something and having my commercial license yanked from me. I guess that's in almost any job though, you worry about fucking up or the company going under and you not being able to find income for awhile.
Luckily I have a lot saved up right now that I could take a year off being super conservative. It would suck not having $ and a ton of time to do stuff.
I get so many creative ideas that I don't act on, or wait too long to act on that the fire dies.
I think I worry too much about the future, yet I have a habit of retreating to memories of the past whenever I feel insecure. When I feel uncomfortable I sometimes vision my grandparents house the way it use to look in the 70's and 80's and I wonder around room to room noticing things. I sometimes wonder if that is where ghost come from, people's memories.
