Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

3:15 p.m. - 2022-05-29
Work woes
I had such a mixed week this past one. At the beggining I was on cloud 9 because of a new job offer. I'll be making more money with more days off a week and travel which I love. Plus I won't have to deal with assholes as much as I do now.
Then I had these passengers totally turn on me for asking one of their clients (it's an retarded adult program) to lower his voice on the phone while I'm driving). They said I'm after him because he is disabled and I need to learn to do my job or quit etc. So I don't want to write here about all the paperwork I had to do, plus the explaining but supervisors did meet with them to read them a code of conduct which goes for all passengers regardless of health status. But the two girls continued to fuck with me talking as loud as they could, cheering and clapping hands. So more paperwork and I do hope they pull the video on them soon.
The problem is the other drivers complain about this too but say "it's only a short drive, I can handle it" and do nothing. So I end up speaking up and getting people mad at me.
So with that it had me triggered and spiraling out of control all week. I began to worry about passing my pre-employment drug test because on occasion I drink a CBD sport drink (it helps with stress and headachs) and even though it's advertised "no thc, and sourced only from industrial hemp" there still can be a slight chance there is .0004% or whatever thc in it. I'm praying everyday that's not the case because this is totally legal (along with marijuana in my state) and I don't want to be falsely accused like I seem to often be.
So this morning after a long hiatus I was finally visited by my guides doing the foot/leg energy thing. Then later this morning I was totally stressed, full of anxiety and decided to sit down with it and meditate, try to find where it's coming from.
The first memory that came up was when I was 9 or so, my sister and I were playing with the neighbor on her lawn. We had our toy model horses and figures all spread out and then her mother (who was an angry bitch) came out and yelled at us saying we were digging holes again and whatever she was yelling about she knew what to say to make us all cry and run home. (This woman use to threaten to kill my cat it she ever saw it in her garage again).
My sister and I told our parents what happened and they were whatever, but my dad went over to talk to her about it. He was gone a long time and when he came back he said he needed to borrow their phone for something and was just chill about it. I didn't feel like he stood up to her though, I didn't feel like he spoke up for me or changed anything.
This feels a lot like the same situation I was in at work this week. My supervisor explaining the rules and then chatting it up with them while they said a bunch of lies to him about me. He told me "I have to hear both sides".
Then after meditating on that memory I remembered that other one I thought I cleared but it keeps coming back to haunt me...
I was 3 years old at my home daycare. I was the only one left because my mom worked late or something, maybe she needed to run errands. There was an older woman with her grandbaby that came to visit my daycare lady and we were all sitting at the table. I wanted a toy or something that the baby had and the older woman said no and was very annoyed with me. So I kicked her under the table and she slapped me in the face. I kicked her again and she slapped me even harder. This happened a few times until the daycare lady grabbed me and locked me in a room to go take a nap until my mom came. When my mom came I told her what happened and the daycare lady said I must have had a bad dream as that never happened. Nobody believed me! I felt like they thought it was funny and just brushed me aside, not taking me seriously when that really happened!
I'm trying and trying to comfort these inner children so I don't have to get out of control emotionally when situations like these pop up. I guess I'm just not doing a very good job of it, or I need the help of a shaman or powerful guide to heal this pain.
Maybe that was the point of this stupid bus run I didn't really want. This is one of the worst ones now with combative people, tons of homeless and tweakers etc. I've never done so many reports and had video pulled at any other time. But this company is slow to do anything to help drivers and I just can't take it anymore. I'm ready to move onto a job where I get to call all the shots. Fingers crossed the drug test comes back negative (as it should because I've done nothing) and I can move on! Even if there is a problem I don't want to return to this job anytime soon.

 

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!