9:41 p.m. - 2022-04-29
Tug-o-war
Well I did it..I finished this long week of work and starting my vacation. I've been in so much pain the last couple of days and I'm not sure why, maybe lack of sleep and working too much overtime?
I went and got a Chinese foot rub massage right after work. It was good but I like this other gal better..this woman seemed like she was in a hurry and didn't put as much into it as the cute younger woman does with me.
I now have like 3 people I need to do shadow journey work for. I was sort of thinking of trying tonight but I came home totally exhausted and still in pain to try.
I did make a good dinner though, gyros.
Then I had a talk with my daughter who is actually in a good mood. She told me she had a good session of school counseling today and they talked about her home life instead of her fights with friends. She said she told the counselor that its sort of weird with me and her father living as roommates, but then again he's never home so it's not too awkward. She just wants me to get my own place. I tried to tell her how complicated that is right now and how expensive it is here in CA. I'm not convinced I want to stay in this state but so far nowhere else has screamed of home (except maybe AK). I told her this situation is saving me and her father a lot of money and that we are good friends so it's not a big deal for us. I think she got it, but still the conversation sort of rubbed me the wrong way and I'm trying to figure out why.
I guess I feel a bit guilty for not knowing exactly where I want to be right now. It's like I wish I could have an opportunity fall into my lap, a perfect dream job in a beautiful place..but I just don't know what that would be, or where. I want to meet someone and fall in love again, start something new, but I also want to be able to do things like buy or build a home of my own all by myself. It's this total tug-o-war! I want freedom, but I also want a partner. I want to prove to myself I can do all this by myself without the help of anyone, but then I also would love to dream with someone else. How can I find a happy medium???
