10:18 p.m. - 2021-09-06
Dramarama
So Sal's friend called again asking if I was interested in the Citation co-pilot job. I am, but I'm scared of what will happen. I mean what if I decide to interview and I bomb. Or what if they like me and offer the job, then more major changes ahead. I'm so uncertain about anything lately.
I'm trying to really connect with this group of women, but you know how women's groups are..we get close then someone flips out about something and then there are fights..or gossip. Some of the women in the group get depressed and say they slept for 24 hours. Who has time to sleep 24 hours???
I had a bad dream the other night. I dreamt that I was at a conference and Kate and Alara where there on the guest panel. The conference was wrapping up, and I had plans to go say hi and thank them after it was over. But when the lights came on and people stood up from their chairs both girls had already left. I know it sounds silly now, but I was so sad and upset about it in my dream that I couldn't say goodbye to them.
So later Sunday I met online with my clearing group. I told them that I wanted to work on clearing that dream so we focussed on that. I could not believe myself I just started crying over it..then regressed to the year I was 7 at a new strict school and getting in trouble and seperated from my friends. The feelings were real and the same. I rediscovered this sort of fantasy world I created for myself at the time so I could be with my friends in this fun little world I created in my head anytime I wanted. It was how I dealt with my anxiety back then..clever enough.
Anyway...I woke up at 3am last night or this morning and couldn't get back to sleep until I drank some Zzquil..then I slept in til 10:30am! I mostly just cleaned house and did laundry..watched a few podcast. I'm seriously thinking about going to that conference in Illinois next May. There are a few speakers I'd really like to see..Rebecca is going to speak and I'd really like to meet her. I just hate buying tickets so far in advance because I have no idea what the world will be like by then..or where I'll be with work and money wise.
One thing is certain..I just can't go on doing these double shifts like I have been. They are wearing me out mentally, emotionally and exhausting my physically.
Saturday me and the girls at work are planning to attend the Melodrama with the company. It was one of our co-workers last wish before he died that everyone at work go there for a night of fun..so the company is paying for it.
So we shall see how that plays out...
