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10:17 p.m. - 2021-07-08
Catching up
Don't know why I took another writing break when I've had so much on my mind these past few weeks.
Had a nice 50th birthday weekend with my sister and dear old friend Rainbow. I took them to Los Olivos because I love the garden shop there, then Cold Springs Tavern for a few drinks..I love that place. We all are going to make reservations for dinner in the future, then stay at the Skyline motel in Los Alamos... or maybe rent a yurt on the lake down there.

J reached out to me on my birthday after not communicating in a few months. That really surprised me. She's still heart broken over a connection she lost with someone last winter and is not really talking to anyone. A part of me wants to really try to help her as I don't want to loose her like I've lost other friends to suicide and such. But another part says don't play the rescuer role. She's just made such a one eighty since I reconnected with her. All she talks about now is how down she is over this person that to me sounds like she was playing with and manipulating her. But her reality is not mine, and her perception and understanding of her situation is her own. We all can decide on our own terms to change our perspectives on situations...change our own reality. Anyway, I really miss our good conversations and hope to find a way to have those again with her in our future.

I started taking atomic ormus again and this time I double noticed it's positive effects on my. I feel like I'm able to focus better, and I have more energy despite the very little sleep I get. I feel a lot calmer emotionally and I started having tons of dreams (which had slowed way down since starting my new work schedule). I also can open up to this new perception, or way of thinking that I cannot seem to put into words. It happened the other night while meditating. My eyes were closed and I could see the little glowing spots as usual..then everything turned 3D and I felt like I was floating away in that space.
Then today while driving the bus I was able to turn on that sort of 3D perception and I started to play with it, the way I did as a child. I focused on the street I was moving over and imagined it made of gold..I felt like I was in a sort of dream scape only I could move from that into normal reality quickly.
No I don't do drugs! I think the ormus is opening up a few doors for me. I even got a book on all the ways you can make it, but I'm still not quite sure what it is...I just don't have the chemistry background to really understand it.

Tracy, my coworker asked me if she could borrow $25 out of the blue today. It was her gf's birthday and I figured it was probably for that, but I didn't ask. I just thought it was weird that she asked to borrow some cash from me, but I chose to give her a chance. I hope she's honest and will pay me back. That's the risk you take..usually when I loan someone something I assume I'll nver see it again (like books and music). $25 isn't too much to lend out to a coworker. If she asked for more then that no way. If my sister or someone really close asked for more then that of course I'd lend it though.

A few more weeks until I fly to Sedona for that conference. Am I setting myself up again in hopes of making new friends and then not saying a word to anyone like I usually do in social situations???

Fuck, I have to work another double shift with the bus tomorrow! Better get some sleep...

 

 

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