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11:26 p.m. - 2021-02-12
Well the day started out pretty good. Had my zoom session with Rebecca and we uncovered a lot of things I have some questions to ask my father about. Maybe I should have flown out there this weekend since my sister is there to talk to him. But I'm pretty tired and not really motivated to pack and buzz over there for the weekend. Plus I'd have to sleep on the couch and my nephew would not give my sister and I any space to talk. I don't know..

Later this evening I get this email from Francine and she twisted my last interaction with her two weeks ago all around to make me out to be the one in the wrong. I can tell she was upset that I did not answer her text as I usually her a taste of her own medicine. The thing is, no matter if or how I answer her she will still try to twist it around to make herself appear innocent and all the wiser. So do I answer her for me to get it off of my own chest or do I just not engage with her at all?? How do you handle a narcissist?? How to you deal with a gaslighter?? Well I have time to think if I want to do anything or not. She likes to be the one to set boundaries by deciding if or when to reply, but I've turned the tables on her now. Plus, she is really just not important like she use to be to me.

Right now all I really want to focus on is me. I don't need the distraction of game players. I spoke to Rebecca about this, that I really identified one of my patterns of being sucked into the lives of women who push and pull at me all the time, always giving second chances even when I see the red flags. She congratulated me on it. I asked her if I completed this lesson and if it can stop coming up to me over and over again..and she said I still have a little ways to go of practicing to trust myself and stand in my power (not those exact words). I was like "dangit"!
Anyway..I'm getting sleepy and I think I might be having some kidney issues. Rebecca pointed it out to me as I thought the pain was mostly in my bones and muscles of my lower back..but she said she feels its more of kidneys (I've heard people with kidney problems told this before) and actually when I thought about it..I've been very dehydrated lately, like for weeks. It seems like I just can't get enough to drink, I'm always thirsty and then there is the intermittent back pain I get. So tomorrow I'm going to really try to drink a lot, like all day and maybe look into some kidney supplements or something.



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