12:18 a.m. - 2021-01-21
Day 11?
Today when i woke up at 11am..I thought for sure I'd be feeling better. But, I felt like I had been sipping cough syrup instead, and my back still hurt me. I had a few breaks during the day when I felt my energy levels were up enough to do some chores and cook dinner. Then the pain would kick in along with the fatigue and I'd have to lay down again.
I watched one of Rebecca Rose's YouTube videos today since I had all these dreams about her last night after watching her interview. I felt such a strong connection with her that I messaged her asking which session was best to pick with her for trying to find this Andramadan connection of mine. She suggested one and I took it..we will have our first Zoom this Friday and I'm really looking forward to it. I really need help trying to understand what happened to me a few years back and I feel she can help with that. Plus I don't know what it is about her that seems so familiar to me.
I like to try and do work on myself alone, and not having to depend on others for answers. But I think from time to time it helps to have some guides who can give us direction, especially when we hit a wall. Just don't want to depend on them for everything. I like to be the one who finds my own answers especially when they are about me.
Man I can't believe how tired I am again..I feel like I took some sleeping pills but I haven't! I feel so guilty for not working, but am enjoying being able to spend so much time at home with my daughter and the cats. I really don't think I can physically work right now. I feel like I may have some dizzy spells if I try, or maybe the pain will come in, nausea or I might fall asleep. I don't feel like I could fly or drive, nor have the strength to push wheelchairs, or jump up and down anchoring people and their equipment in. I feel anemic, like I've lost a lot of blood..it's really weird. But on the outside, I'm not coughing, I'm not plugged up I don't think I look sick so I feel like I shouldn't even be feeling bad!
Nobody at work has seen Francine for awhile. Cassandra told me I should call her or something. So I sent her a quick email before I could change my mind just saying "I never heard back from you, nor do I expect to..I just wanted you to know I've been absent for nearly two weeks due to Covid." I'm just curious if she got it too. I'm really upset about her attitude of "I'll reply to you in my own time". I think that is totally selfish, especially when we are talking about important things, or trying to make plans like we had been.
I better get to sleep, I have more important people to put my thoughts into that do reply back in a timely manner!
