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10:29 p.m. - 2020-10-13
I keep having these really uncomfortable dreams lately, like my subconscious is trying to work stuff out.
Last night I dreamt that I think it was my daughter, or maybe my sister when she was little..I'm not sure but some little girl related to me put Nimmy in the microwave. I couldn't get him out at first without it turning on a few seconds..I was scared but I got him out. Then I berated the little girl, smacking her over and over again for doing something so horrible.
When I woke up I was replaying it in my head, and then I realized the little girl was really me, well I part of my imagination that is capable of thinking up something so horrible that I want to beat it to death!
Now I know I need to replay it in my mind and feel what the little girl feels, and try to feel why she did that.. come up with a resolution that doesn't involve beating myself up because I feel like that only makes it worse..
Ugh, I'm not a psychologist and I'm not a bad evil person either! It's like when my son was an infant I kept having nightmares of babies dying, or getting murdered. It was awful and scary!
Well..Cassandra took a few days off and I'm picking up her slack at work this week...better get to sleep as it's going to be another long day tomorrow. Please..just good dreams!



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