11:58 p.m. - 2020-08-09
I'm just so burnt out of everything and don't know what to believe anymore.
I booked a trip to the San Juan islands next month with a group that host kayak/camping trips. All food and everything is included for 3 days for $500! Then I got a first class ticket on AK Airlines for $300! I'm thinking about booking one flight between SEA and the islands by sea plane. Kenmoore operates out of there and I read their sea plane book several years back, so I think it be pretty cool. I only wish it was on a Republic Sea Bee!
Trying to convince KT to join me on the trip, but she says she's out of shape, so probably just meet me when I fly in and before I leave. Fuck I hope this doesn't get canceled too!
Tomorrow we find out the results of the new bid at work...I'm a bit nervous. All the new bids suck thanks to Covid. Hours are cut, and the schedules available suck! So I'm a bit nervous, but guess I'll suck it up like I do with everything else.
I hate a medium do a reading on me a few weeks back but I just didn't feel like writing about it...
Basically he told me to stay where I'm at with work and living. He said if I want to get back into flying full time my best bet is to keep in touch with my old flying friends and colleagues.
Then he told me that I'd be having three opportunities to be intimate with someone in two months! I just don't see how that is possible. I asked him about my secret crush and he said she feels the same way toward me but her life is a mess and was hit hard financially with Covid. It's scary as the first thing he said that came to him was "cancer", the disease and I'm like oh shit, that may be true. He said I'd hook up with her in a relationship in 9 months time...but I have my serious doubts. He was pretty sure, he said I'll know I'll find the next relationship by her eyes. I don't know, I truly wish he would have said, "no, she isn't someone who will be in your life long so forget her". Why did he have to tell me otherwise????
Then I asked about CD and if her death was really a suicide. He said no, it was an accident but could see how at first it looked like a suicide. (I didn't push for clarity because I have a vague sense of a horrible accident my friend MTG thought it could be and I just don't want to picture that). He said that she told him I'm the first one who has tried to make contact with her this way, and that she said I was a very special person to her. He also said she's still doing a lot of healing, and that he saw her more like an angel in a robe..which really she was in real life. It was sort of weird because the way in which he was talking like he was listening to her speak was actually how she talked in real life.
There were some things in the reading he saw that did not make any sense to me also, but he says a lot of what he sees in the paper ashes are symbols he tries to decode.
I've sort of been looking a super tiny bit for someone new to talk to. I'm not ready for trying to start a relationship or even date, but I would like to find another woman to connect with and talk to regularly. I mean I have a few friends I do that with, but I guess I want someone new to get to know and talk to more intimately.
I haven't been feeling so well lately. I keep getting these strange pains and aches in my body, almost like growing pains when I was a kid. My skin totally broke out and I'm not sure if I'm having hot flashes or if I'm coming down with something.
I've been trying to go to the hot springs once a week to swim for exercise and my back pain. Also for healing.. I really enjoy going after work and floating through sunset.
Next weekend I have an eye doctor appointment. I failed my second class medical until I get prescription glasses. This made me really sad. But, I hope that getting glasses will allow me to see better!
Oh well, I should just go to bed..
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