10:17 p.m. - 2020-05-14
Flying away
Today on my way to work two songs came on that reminded me of flying, then I began to think about how much I miss flying passengers or on cross country flights, and that if a job opportunity came up for me to do it full-time, or even a quick trip as a co-pilot I'd jump on it.
Then later I was out doing my pick-ups and drop-offs and went to get a new passenger. As we started driving he was like "You know the best drivers are also pilots', then proceeds to tell me about how much he loves flying. I turned around and asked him "how did you know I was a pilot?" and he said he had no idea, but use to fly himself and rode busses driven by former pilots. We actually had a really nice conversation. He asked me what things I wanted to be growing up and at what age did I know. I told him at 4 I wanted to be a pilot and a farmer. He laughed and said at 10 he knew he wanted to be a pilot and carpenter and he was so proud of himself for achieving both goals. Then he went on to telling me other stories about how he almost became a helicopter pilot in Vietnam but got rejected last minute from it by the military. He said later in life he went to a hypnotist and wanted to know why he never became a pilot in the military..what he revealed in hypnosis was that a greater power intervene because if he followed that path he would have gotten killed in an accident. Then he kept telling me over and over "anything you can dream up or want the universe will provide for you". It was just really great to hear that from someone instead of the usual Covid when will this end conversations.
Later this evening I had a session with my Energy Body Clearing classmate. She does such a great job as a coach while we work together. She let me go again and I started with the biggest trigger I have right now that keeps repeating itself..being pulled in, then pushed away and ignored by people I care about. I thought it turn up to be abandonment issues but where I traced it back was through countless times as a kid being berated for not behaving as a young lady, or whatever. The youngest was 3 at a daycare being locked in a room away from everyone for misbehaving. Little things like that seem so insignificant to me as an adult, but to feel that as a 3 year old it can be traumatic! So she helped guide me to a place to release those emotions, and give my 3 year old self what I needed at the time. It felt really good. I want to get as much of this work done as possible so I won't feel triggered or bothered by so many little things, or even big things.
I'm hoping tonight I'll have better dreams as well. Had this bad dream I was with Jesika again, and then there was this dude she was also with. She ended up wanting to be with him, just because well it's easier being straight and well that hurt a lot. That's not what happened in real life..we both went away to college and lost contact. But I dove deep enough into my past sorrows tonight to begin to dive into this one. I'm sure it will come around again until I make the time to look into it.
Shoot, going to my folks tomorrow after work..have to drive because the plane is out of annual. Rainbow said there are a few really cool estate sales to go to so looking forward to that. I have so much to do, I better get to sleep for an early start!
