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11:18 p.m. - 2020-04-23
No more waiting
Been trying to stay on top of myself today..trying to catch myself placing too much importance into things I shouldn't. One friend posted a request for an interpretation of a vision on FB today (I'd never post my visions as mine are too bizarre). A bunch of friends including myself all replied their thoughts. I started getting agitated when the obvious positive suggestions gained favor as opposed to my dark, deep soul searching one..then stopped myself for getting upset over someone else's problem. Even the amount of energy I put into thinking about it was I have something to prove to everybody!
Before leaving from work texted Sue to see if she still wanted to talk like she said she did last night and she said yes later this evening. So went for a walk with my daughter around the lake and stopped to look at this tiny baby turtle, about one inch long some women found walking along! That was weird..but my turtle interpretations have always been telling me to slow down, don't jump to conclusions or race ahead. So, who knows..
Later I got another text from Sue apologizing that she was having fun watching some videos with her kids. I sat with the phone close by until 10, then turned the ringer off. This reminds me too much of one of my ex's who let her adult kids run her life. That's perfectly fine for them, I mean your kids should stay in your life forever so they always come first. But that's not what I want now for a potential partner. I know where to draw the line with my own kids and keep my relationships and them seperate. So not sure now if I want to date anyone with adult kids who still live with them and have control over their lives..not after all that happened in my past. I think I'd rather find someone who does not have kids but are into mine. I just think it be easier, less complicated and less expensive. I guess that is the one good thing that came out of this tiny experience..knowing more of what I want and don't want. Plus stepping outside myself to see how foolish I can act when I put too much energy focusing on other peoples issues. I mean in a way it's nice to take a break from mine, but not when I get upset because mine didn't get popular vote!
This fucking insomnia has gotten so much worst, I don't know what to do about it. I was fine with my 4:30-5am wake up, then small mid-day nap, and out cold by 10pm. That was working for me and I had no problem falling to sleep. Now that I'm on this temporary Covid noon to 7:30pm shift I can't fall asleep so well, plus just the general anxiety I now deal with everyday waiting for this bullshit "pandemic" to end!



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