7:31 a.m. - 2017-12-21
stand or fall
I wonder how long my soul will remain in my body or if it's already flown away...
The guy I ran into and bought one of his crystal necklaces he suggested for me texted me yesterday to see how it was working out. I told him I'm going through some hardships now and it feels like it's holding me just above being stuck in the low vibrations. He wanted to talk, but I just couldn't.
After getting home after work I got bad news from my financial advisor who took a look at last years tax records which I owe on. She basically told me I'm running in the red because of the postal job (the flying is ok) and that I need to get rid of the job as with all my expenses, and taxes for it I'm only making $6.50/hour, not the $20 I figured when I bid the job. I underestimated my expenses and did not include taxes because I had no idea what those would be. Then my accountant filed them 6 months after I gave him my paperwork in March, so now I owe penalties on top of that...not to mention whatever it will be for this year as I have not been withholding.
I told my financial advisor I'm shutting things down now and saying my goodbyes to people. She later wrote me I can still pull it off and get out of this mess by the first quarter of next year if I get a better paying job, and some other things she said..that she will call today with a few more ideas.
I wish I could just wiggle my nose and make this all go away. Click my heels and instant new better paying job.
I went to a small women's solstice gathering late last night at my yoga center. Weird many of the women were also going through some heavy losses and said that the "astrology" forecast says it will get harder for the next 5 years and then snap, we'll be our "higher selves". I'll be in my 50's then! What the hell?????!!!!
I'm totally drained today, no energy. My kids have no idea whats going on with me at all, or how desperate I am.
Should I collapse into this, or continue to struggle???
