Get your ow
n diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

7:00 a.m. - 2017-04-27
Good riddance Lisa
So Lisa and I broke up, but I'm not devastated by it as I never really felt like we were together, just that we had some oral agreement or something.
She never truly opened herself to me and then called me out on a lot of qualities that she has displayed herself.
Last week we were really close and having a great time, I thought she'd open up to me more.
But this week I was sarcastic with a text (that's just how I am) and she took it so personally yelling at me how she does not need drama etc.
then she sent me a long email, a Dear Jon explaining how horrible I am and why she's been too ashamed to introduce me to her friends and family, because they don't go through mood swings or have any negative moments like I do. Then that she was becoming so close to me that she does not want to get hurt again so she is ending it.
Then she proceeds to send me all these Hallmark type quotes about love and God, like she's some truly enlightened being.

That is the last time I ever date a recovering drug and alcohol addict who is so wrapped up in AA meetings they can't think for themselves.
Joelynn said people like her stay super busy booking themselves solid because they can't be alone with their thoughts. But I told her well Lisa runs alone for hours everyday, and Joe told me that is still an activity, a goal not sitting alone with yourself.
Then I thought well whats my problem because I've cut down on my extra curricular activities to spend time hanging out at home with the kids, sometimes just laying around swatting flies. Does that count as spending time alone with my thoughts? Well shit I can't go a day without at least writing them down!
What bugs me most (aside from the whole family shame crap) is that I wrote Lisa every morning my thoughts on life, the world, philosophy and they were not all negative, many beautiful observations, some fears, hopes etc. But all she got out of it was that I "do not love myself", I need to work on my demons and I'm only capable of negative thoughts. She wasn't reading a thing I wrote! She told me I had my mind already made up about her because I can't trust her, when she was the one who had her mind made up about me the entire time.
In some ways I felt like I was wasting my time with all the writing I did for her because even though she say she loved it, and reads it all, she rarely wrote or commented back. And the only things she did comment back on usually involved stories from my past or something that perhaps effected her..not things like politics, philosophy etc. Stuff I love to dialogue with others about. Perhaps her brain just does not think that far. Or she just is so tuned inward she does not space for anything other then her own needs or "fighting her demons".
Anyway, I'm glad to be done with her, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything because I never really got anything from her..and even though her sex drive was way more then mine I really didn't like it. Like she just could not find the right spots with me, not like when I was with Jodi. Plus she was one of those gushers that soaked the entire bed. At first I thought it wa cool and it really turned me on, but after awhile it felt like she was peeing on me (she wasn't) and it became annoying.
I think I'll take a break from dating for awhile. I wasn't even looking for anyone when she found me. I don't want to be found by anyone for awhile. I just want to make new friends, ones who like to talk about things other than themselves.



previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!