9:59 p.m. - 2016-06-09
Day after day
What a day..what a day.
I made arrangements with the neighbors to help Sal move the Jeep for me. Told him I needed it for work this morning. So I get to work all happy I get the Jeep back and then he calls me "ok I'm gonna come get you and take you to pick up the Jeep"..then the call dropped. I quickly texted back, no I told you Tom is gonna help you, I can't leave work. So what does he do??? He goes home and waits around for the neighbors to finish their errands. Meanwhile I'm ready to start loading and delivering the mail and still no Jeep.
So my postmaster said she'd help deliver with me. I told her how fucking pissed I was at him for never taking me or any of my jobs seriously. Then she told me something that really made sense: "no don't be mad, this is a lesson to prepare you for doing everything on your own." So that really made me think, and appreciate the situation, even though it sucked having to drive my new car again on the dirt and rock roads.
J texted me this morning and that made me smile. Even though she has her guard up and is on the defensive complaining about why I still live with Sal. I tried to explain I have a plan, it takes time and everything will unfold in our favor. I think that made her happy, but for how long who knows. I have to do this my way. I can't rush moving out of here esp. when we are both going to fight over the house. My spiritual healer is helping and advising me through this process. Mentally and emotionally I've moved out long ago. But I got to get my finances in order. I've made some big purchases on things I need like my car (not to mention fixing the Jeep) and a new bed, plus household stuff I need duplicates of. I need to save and invest a little as well, so for now this makes economic sense for me.
When the postmaster and I were driving she opened up more to me about her Jehovah Hall and the abuse she endured there. She told me she has physical needs to, a need for physical love and to be touched. How could that "church" hold that against her??? I have those needs too, I miss being touched and held. That's why I like to get a massage as often as I can.
Then we were talking about professional cuddlers and how she considered hiring one. I thought it be a great idea for her..not so much me. But she's worried about getting too attached.
I think it's a good service I mean if people have enough love to spare then why not? I think it's very important and nobody should feel ashamed of needing that!
I'm so pumped up about my art projects I'm working on. I wish I could stay up late and continue my work, but fuck I have to get up at 4:30am. It's so hard to turn my brain off when I have so much energy to create. I need to hurry up at work so I can get back home, shower and work on my projects.
