7:22 a.m. - 2016-05-27
Walking backwards in the sand
My legs are so sore today, I think from that beach power walk I did. I walked through the high tide all the way to the rocks to just sit a spell. Looking out to where I came from I saw this woman running along the shore too, in my direction. I pretended she was running toward me. In my mind I pictured another perfect rendezvous with a stranger. Then my mother started texting me, and the fantasy vanished as fast as it arrived!
So I stopped at this new restaurant bar in A-town on the way home. Had a mediocre drink, and some ceviche that was very bland. But, did have a nice text and latter conversation with a new friend, so that was exactly what I needed! As much as I feel I should be alone right now to work out my issues, I'm terribly lonely and I need some sort of intimate contact to feel connected, and grounded. I'm thinking most people need that, I mean we are sort of like herd animals. I don't know, maybe we can help each other in some way...
Had another dream about J this morning. I was crying in it because I was worried about us getting old and growing apart.
I don't feel her at all right now, the medium separated us for our own good. I wish she did not have such a strong pull on me. She is so messed up!
Made an appointment for some cosmetic work next week. I want to feel pretty again. I know everyone says it's all about how you feel on the inside that counts, but you know what? If I walk around in sweats all day with my hair up in a scrunchy I'm going to feel and act like shit. I will see myself in the reflection of a Walgreens window looking like everyone else on their way in for a 6 pack, and their meds! That verses dressing in nice comfortable clothes, hair done and a little make up...the latter will always make anyone feel better about themselves. You don't have to be obsessed with your appearance, but just care enough about it for you and the rest of the world to take seriously!
Can't wait to get out of town tomorrow after work. I'll actually have two days to sleep in. I'm not sure if I should drive or fly over to my sister's. Guess I'll decide last minute as usual.
I should get dressed and ready for work. I'm all caught up there though so I don't have to hurry too much. It's so cute..we've been getting boxes of chicks at the post office everyday. They peep, and peep and everyone who walks in has something to say about it.
OK, here I go..off to the races again.
