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9:11 p.m. - 2016-05-10
Don't remember dreaming last night, but I do remember waking up 3 times as usual to check the clock.
Work went fast today for once and I actually got to come home and sit a little while before driving into town to get my son and go to my therapist.
Actually accomplished a lot to night working with her. I told her I've been recognizing patterns in my past relationships. Something happens to set them off, then they go all out, cheat and lie to me, then bounce back years latter.
I was hated by Roses's mother because I was the one who turned her gay, and run up the phone bill. She still never let me into their house years latter when we turned into friends and she was dating other women.
The same thing happened this time only with J's daughter. I was going to take her mama away.
I guess in a way the same thing happened with my husband. His mother always resented me, I was never good enough for her and she made sure I knew it.
I really never thought of myself as being so threatening. I need to meditate on this one...
Also I need to dive into that horrible feeling, the fear of loosing someone. Need to figure out when that first happened to me so I can try and heal. I never want to feel it again!



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