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8:55 p.m. - 2015-01-12
staying ahead..
I'm still running as fast as I can to stay ahead of depression. I don't like this waiting in uncertainty over not knowing when my next job will be. I read the job boards and there is so much work for me everywhere but here. I'm so frustrated feeling locked down to family and this place. I feel like a bird with clipped wings.
Got to skype Shan tonight and it's been about 3 weeks since she returned from her vacation. So nice to see and hear her. She's been the only thing somewhat consistent in my life since I lost my job. I'm so grateful for our daily messages, but haven't really told her how hard I'm trying not to stay down about work. I don't want her to know torn up I am about it, well I do in a way at least I wish someone would get it.
My friend Nebraska does but she depresses me even more. She tells me her plot of how she will leave her husband and the boy and be free one day.
I wonder how Courtney is and where she is now. She was briefly on FB a week ago so hopefully she's doing well.
I'm going to start a new ballet/yoga work out class in a few weeks. This time last year I was beginning my hoop dance class, studying for my ATP, and head over heals for Jen. Then I broke my shoulder in three places ice skating and spent a month high popping percocet, until I pulled through. Now I just wish I had the pain killers without the injury!
Oh the women's fire circle was great on Saturday. Actually there were a few women who said one of their goals this year is to connect with more women and make friends. So I hope I can make more local friends there. Maybe I can get along with others who aren't pilots too...



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