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10:36 p.m. - 2013-11-18
the one that got away
I have so much to write but I feel too overwhelmed right now to do so...
Had a great week with Jennifer. We hiked a hill above Avila on Saturday, then just kept following trails wherever they'd lead to kill time and talk.
Then we got a tub at the hot springs and had a few heart-to-heart conversations there. She even kept the small empty bottle of sparkling wine I got her, and I hope it's to remember a great day.
She ended up coming home with me too exhausted for the long drive home.
Sal barbequed for us and gave us a lot of space knowing just how crushed out I am on her.
We pulled out the couch in the living room for her and watched tv until she feel asleep and I almost did. Then I reluctantly went back to the room to join Sal.
The next morning she told me she was kinda hoping I'd join her on the couch that night. I fucking blew it again!!!
There are some people I can't read too well, esp. when they were raised in a different culture then me. I never make the first move!
Anyway, we spent the rest of the day side by side and my heart sank when she left.
I hate seeing people you really like leave after you had such a good time together. All I do is feel time slipping away and next Saturday I'll be thinking to myself "this time one week ago we were having a pic-nic over looking the Pacific..." and on and on it goes!
I'm trying to just study now again, focus on my personal goals and not think so much about her or I'll get sad.
So I flew today with Captain Dean to finish up my IPC. Shot two ILS's, one LOC backcourse and one VOR all with holds. I did ok, but would like to do better. I'm always so hard on myself. If I can afford it I'd like to practice once a week.
Shit my head hurts, better try and sleep before I start thinking again.



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